What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
