He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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