decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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