i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
