It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We need to get me chipped asap
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
