Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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