it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
