3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
