I hate all girls vehemently.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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