you guys were way drunker than both of me
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
