i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
A+ Viking dick
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