'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Randomize
