everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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