so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
