it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
