dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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