Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
