I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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