He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Randomize
