Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
