She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
