you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
