sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
