so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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