I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
