we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
