Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
