giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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