I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
