Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
