I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
