Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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