what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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