im drinking this country out of the recession.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
