Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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