and she was petting her beer can
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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