So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
