Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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