Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
