TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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