bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
