what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
