Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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