I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
