Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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