I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
