I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
