Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
they need to just BURY HIM!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
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