Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
