I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
a search helicopter?!
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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